Maria Elena is a native New Yorker who currently works in the reproductive justice movement. She remembers being an advocate when she was as young as nine, advocating for family and friends in the public benefits system. Her earlier frustrations with friends and family and her involvement in sexual health and reproductive rights in college led her to pursue a Master of Social Work degree. She loves children's books, bachata music and mango flavored anything (but not the actual fruit).

Dar a Luz Project (DLP) How and Why did you decide to become a doula?

Maria Elena To be quite honest, I just happened upon it. I had heard about doulas before, but it never called me. My best friend got pregnant last year and I jokingly asked if I could attend her birth and she said yes. Then the joke became serious and I felt like, "Well, if I'm going to be there, I'd better know something!" I accompanied her to a birth class at the hospital, which was not useful at all. So I figured, "Hey, let me look into doula training." I would also add that at this same time I was going through a lot of personal and professional transitions, and my friend's pregnancy shifted me in a way I cannot quite articulate right now. During my doula training I experienced another shift. It was rather personal and political. Up until that point, birth was this unknown thing that I was scared of and I lost my fear of birth in that training. I also began to understand birth culture and birth advocacy. I wasn't politicized about our birth culture and what a disempowering and sometimes oppressive experience it can be. The doula training was empowering, in the sense that it goes back to supporting the women be in control of her own birth.

DLP Where was your first experience? A house? Hospital? Birth Center? I remember my first homebirth turned into a hospital birth and my role turned around drastically I basically became a visitor waiting in the lobby. what was it like for you?

Maria Elena My first experience was in a hospital and what the training taught me was not to be judgmental of what the mother's birth plan is and that she will know what is right for her. So, I'm not here saying I'm against hospital births, but I am for women having all the information to make informed decisions about such a personal and intimate experience. I think there's this assumption that doulas are only used for homebirths or births where the mom may want to limit medical intervention and this isn't true. I think they are great to have in such cases because you will need the support, but having someone support you, no matter what your birth plan, is valuable. My friend was induced and had spent about 24 hours without dilating much. This was quite frustrating for her and I supported her by validating her frustration and helping her communicate with her doctors. Also, because she was induced and couldn't get up, I provided her with physical support, helping her go to the bathroom throughout the night, etc. Once her labor progressed the next day, she got an epidural. At that point my role became more supportive and making sure she was comfortable. I would also often point out how strong her contractions were from the monitor, and remind her that her body was still doing it's job, even though she wasn't feeling most of it.

DLP Did you feel the staff was supportive of your role?

Maria Elena I don't know if they knew what my role was. It wasn't like I was wearing a nametag that said "Doula." They may have just assumed I was a family member with her in the room. Regardless, I don't think it affected my role there. Because I knew I was there to support my friend.

DLP What was it like preparing with the future mom?

Maria Elena This is a unique case in that the mom is a best friend of mine, whom I grew up with. So we have that history and I saw her throughout her pregnancy, organized her baby shower, etc. so I felt like I was intimately connected.

DLP Did you help create a birth plan? Was that helpful to the actual delivery?

Maria Elena I did have her fill out a birth plan sheet and it was helpful for me because, even though she and I were friends, I didn't know some of her wishes, desires and preferences. Was it helpful for the actual delivery? Well, I don't recall us referring to it, but I also think that she was flexible in terms of the course of labor and considering her options.

DLP How did you feel throughout the process?

Maria Elena I was nervous for sure! I felt a bit insecure as my role of a "doula" and what I thought that meant. But, once I got over that mental block, I just allowed the mom to be my guide. She told me what she needed. I would ask questions or suggest things, but she basically told me what she needed from me.

Apart from those feelings, I remember being quite enraged at times. These were about my own personal feelings with the process, mainly how with each shift change her doctors and nurses also changed. There was no consistency in who your provider was. I'll add that her doctor came at the beginning of her labor but had to leave once her shift was over because she was going on vacation and my friend was aware of this beforehand. And I also had strong personal feelings about the necessity of certain interventions or the fact that many were made without consulting with the mom. And my role wasn't to be an advocate and introduce an issue when it may have not been an issue for the mom. That was something I learned in my training and it did help me that day. As a doula, you have to separate your feelings from the process and let it be about the mother and her process.

DLP Did you have any expectations? Anything you were surprised about?

Maria Elena I came into the whole experience being completely open. Also, I wanted to be open to my own process about being a doula and what that meant for me. I had never been at a live vaginal birth, I had been at a c-section before and it was just such an emotional and surreal experience. To see life come into this world is truly a blessing and I felt privileged and honored that my friend had allowed me to be with her.

DLP Did you gain any new insights or something you want to improve on for your next doula experience?

Maria Elena The doula and birth world are relatively new to me. I've been learning so much. What I do notice is that doulas are becoming a luxury, much like the $800 stroller, making doulas accessible to the few women who can afford them. And I'm speaking about NY City specifically, because I don't know what it's like in other places. And there's two sides to it too. If doulas are to make a living off of being a doula in NY City, their rates will have to be such that they can only cater to certain women. That's why I'm really excited about programs across the country that train women of color to be promotoras and doulas to support women in their communities. Given my full-time job, it will be hard for me to be on call as a doula, but I do hope to be a doula for friends and family when I can.